…all women are vulnerable to the same social voice lessons that dictate when and how we are allowed to use our voice and when our silence best serves those around us… There is a price for not heeding what we’re taught in our [social] voice lessons, but the price for silence is much higher. We lose our authenticity. We don’t feel good about half-truths, disingenuous connection and fearful silence. We all want to have a clear sense of who we are and what we believe and to feel confident enough to share that with others.
How can we be authentic when we are desperately trying to manage and control how others perceive us? How can we be honest with people about our beliefs and, at the same time, tell them what we think they want to hear? How do we stand up for what we believe in when we are trying to make everyone around us feel comfortable so they won’t get angry and put us down? It’s impossible to be “real” when we are ashamed of who we are or what we believe.
These social “voice lessons” are built around rigid gender roles that leave women with very little room to navigate expectations while maintaining authenticity. If we break one of these rules, we are automatically labeled and stereotyped. If we assert ourselves, we become the pushy, loudmouthed bitch who everyone loves to hate. If we clarify or correct, we become the arrogant know-it-all who no one can stand to be around. If we’re honest about something that is taboo or makes other people feel uncomfortable, we’re labeled as a weirdo or freak.
- Brene Brown
source: http://www.brenebrown.com/voice-lessons-from-the-dixie-c/
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